The Lord of the Doughnuts
by insanelymadferret
Summary: A humorous spoof on The Lord of the Rings involving characters from tv show comercials Cerals etc. I don't own any of those obviously and power to 'em! Hope this gives ya a rotfl. Enjoy!


Teakettle

Miss Teacher

English 8/2

11 January 2007

The Lord of the Donuts

Once upon a time in a land far away from this one, a donut was baked to rule all donuts. It was made by a large headed man named The King in the fires of Mt. Cookie Crisp. He was lord of burgers and had a small fast food chain named after him. But the fast food wasn't enough. He desired to rule all junk food. Therefore he sent out four munchkins of power to all the Lands of Junkfood and controlled them with the one all powerful donut. However he was soon defeated by the muffin man and banished to exile. No one knew what became of the all powerful magic donut, not even The King (due to a hole in his left pocket). However, since I am an all knowing narrator I'll tell you. It was found by the evil creature Mr. Peanut who, instead of putting it in lost and found kept it for himself. Many years past until a small man named Pillsbury won it from him in a card game and not knowing what he had gotten gave it to his son Pillsbury boy. This is where our story begins…

Pillsbury boy walked down the lane, his new donut on a chain around his neck. Today he was to be visited by his good friend Quaker Oatmeal Guy. Quaker Oatmeal Guy (Quaker for short, this story can only be 6 pages because of my English teacher) was a magical wizard. He was to meet him at the Green Giant, a vegetable smoothie place down the road. When Pillsbury boy arrived he found Quaker had invited a few friends. Two of which he recognized. The first was an Elf named Elmer. He was from the land of Keebler and baked cookies inside a tree. He was also an expert fireman. (You have to be if your profession is to bake cookies in a tree) The second was a crazy old Kookoo bird. Every one called him Kookoo. He was obsessed with a breakfast cereal known as Cocoa Puffs.

"Hello my dear Pillsbury," said Quaker. "You know Elmer and Kookoo and this is my favorite cousin…"

"I'm Captain Crunch!" said the cousin interrupting Quaker.

"How do you do?" said Pillsbury.

"Pillsbury boy, when did you get that donut? I haven't seen one quite like it before." said Quaker.

"Just today" said our little pastry boy.

"May I see it?" said Quaker. Pillsbury handed Quaker the donut.

"E Gad!" shouted Quaker.

"What?! What?!" said Pillsbury.

"Glazed with strawberry!" said Quaker. "My favorite!"

"Hey look there's something written in the icing!" said Elmer.

All peered at the donut.

"One donut to rule them all, One donut to find them, One donut to rule them all, And in the pastry bind them."

"Hmm, interesting." said Quaker.

"There's something else written here…" said Cap'n Crunch.

"**Made In Taiwan.**"

**"**We should take this to Mrs. Buttersworth of the Maple Tree Forest" said Elmer.

"Indeed." said Quaker. "Okay everyone, to the mini van!"

"Crunch-a-tize me!" said Cap'n Crunch in agreement.

"We'll need someone who knows the way…" said Kookoo bird.

"I know two guys!" said Pillsbury.

"Then we're off." said Quaker.

Later in the mini van, Kookoo bird sat talking endlessly about Cocoa puffs while Red and Yellow M&Ms (Pillsbury's two friends) sat arguing about directions. Red M&M said that they should take Route 287 and Yellow M&M said they should take Route 83. Pillsbury sat staring at his mysterious donut. Quaker Oatmeal Guy was just about to start a game of "I Spy" when…

"Chunky Chips Ahoy! Oy! Oy! Chunky Chips Ahoy! Oy! Oy! Oy!"

"What in the Crunch?!"

"It's a tribe of warring Chips Ahoy!" shouted Quaker.

Kookoo bird, who was driving, (Elmer wanted to but couldn't reach the pedals) pushed the gas pedal all the way down to the floor, meanwhile the Chips Ahoy Cookies kept shouting, "Chunky Chips Ahoy! Oy! Oy! Chunky Chips Ahoy! Oy! Oy! Oy!"

"What do we do?!" shouted Pillsbury.

"I know!" shouted Captain Crunch. "I'll hit em with me peanut butter ball Cereal! It's peanut butter filled cereal filled with all that crunchy Captain Crunch taste!"

"Part of a balanced breakfast." added Elmer.

"Crunch-a-tize!" shouted Cap'n Crunch.

"OY! OY! OY!!" shouted the delectable cookies in terrible pain.

It was then that Kookoo bird noticed that they hadn't been moving for the last twenty minutes because he had left the emergency brake on. He pulled it and they were off.

"That was close." said Red M&M.

"Why did they attack us?" said Elmer.

"It was probably for me new Fruity Pebbles Cereal" said Cap'n Crunch.

"Who knows why?" said Yellow M&M. "I'm just glad we're safe." Pillsbury sat in silent wonder, staring at his donut…

When they finally reached the maple tree forest, they were greeted by several Eggo waffles, servants of Mrs. Buttersworth. They climbed high up to Mrs. Buttersworth's sacred maple tree to consult her upon the mysterious donut.

"It is the Great Donut of Power." said Mrs. Buttersworth "Owned by the evil King."

"The great donut!" everyone gasped.

"We must destroy it!" said Elmer.

"Let's eat it now!" shouted Quaker taking a bite but when he did all of his teeth were broken off as if he had just bitten a jawbreaker.

"YOWWWWW!!" shouted Quaker.

"There is not one among us who can eat the donut." said Mrs. Buttersworth. "It can only be destroyed at the mountain in which it was made, in the nasty soy milk of Mount Cookie Crisp!"

Everyone gasped yet again. "But that would lead us through…" said Quaker, "The mine of Lucky Charms!"

"Yes!" said Mrs. Buttersworth. "And there isn't a moment to lose, the King is already gathering his armies and has taken over the mind of Trix Rabbit the White."

"That silly rabbit." said Red M&M.

"Here are Two Riders of Ro-Ham to guide you." said Mrs. Buttersworth. "Sir Ronald McDonald and Sir Hamburgular."

"Thank you Mrs. Buttersworth." said Quaker. "Now everyone, back to the mini van!"

At the mine of Lucky Charms, everyone was very cautious. There were strange stories about this place. Ronald McDonald went in first. The company went slowly, step by step by step. Then suddenly three kids appeared on a mine cart following a small little, green man.

"HEY!" said one of the kids. "IT"S NEW CHOCOLATE LUCKY CHARMS!"

The two carts were heading straight for them!

"Run!" shouted Cap'n Crunch.

They all took off faster than a locomotive, (especially one with it's emergency break on) but the two carts were still behind them.

"AHHHHHHH!" all our fellowship screamed. But the kids, still oblivious to our little company's presence, kept shouting

"LOOK AT ALL THAT CHOCOLATE!!"

Meanwhile the little green guy was crying out loud "Oh no! Me new cereal!"

And our heroes kept running, the children kept shouting, and the green man kept on crying until…

"Hey! There's a light up ahead!" shouted Hamburgular.

They all dove towards the light and were safely outside.

"Look!" shouted Quaker. "Mount Cookie Crisp."

"Quickly! Up the mountain side!" said Ronald McDonald.

When they reached the top they were greeted by an unwelcome surprise.

"Hello Quaker!" said Trix Rabbit.

"YOU!" said Quaker.

"It is time to meet your doom!" said Trix Rabbit.

Both of the wizards drew staffs.

"Bring it." said Quaker Oatmeal guy.

Quaker threw a fireball but Trix deflected it easily.

"You are weak old man." said Trix. The wizards charged at one another, throwing hard vertical strikes. Quaker Oatmeal Guy threw a quick uppercut. Trix countered and threw a shot to his legs. Meanwhile Pillsbury boy was making his way to the soy milk river.

"Destroy it!" shouted Quaker.

"Hungh?" said Trix turning around. "Nooooooo!!"

Pillsbury threw it into the milk and the great donut was destroyed.

"Silly Rabbit, Donuts are for kids." said Pillsbury.

"I'm loving that!" said Ronald McDonald.

So in the end Pillsbury dough boy saved the day. Trix rabbit was freed from The King's mind control. And all our characters got free commercial spots on T.V. for saving all junkfood. The King himself sat on a wall and fell over do to his over sized head. And everyone (except the King, who suffered from a concussion) lived happily ever after.


End file.
